Race anticipation – reflections on the fear of possible success …

Some people read newspapers back to front and I think my approach to training is perhaps similarly contrary. Running is something I do for my overall wellbeing – exercise I have come to  later in life that combines many things I find uplifting – being outdoors, watching the weather, observing nature and spending time with friends.

I acknowledge now that I am mildly addicted to running, getting a bit twitchy and irritable if I have not managed to get out for a run, so regular social runs are a comforting constant to keep the twitching at bay. And as my running confidence has increased it’s easier to find ways to slot running around the rest of my life, with being a run tourist one of my favourite ways to discover new places.

So if running is mostly about looking after myself, and offsetting life’s stresses, I wonder why I keep entering races?

I don’t really know the answer to that, and writing this a day before a race is maybe not the best time to come up with a considered analysis!  For some people running is the perfect outlet for their competitive spirit, but I don’t see me fitting in that category – my desire to win is underdeveloped – although I do like to set myself personal goals and challenges.

While I long to be more ‘zen’ about running and its place in a quest for self improvement, I do enjoy keeping a tally of distance covered, pace and effort. Running has unlocked my inner geek around lists and records and the joy of seeing the miles increase on my Nike+ app is something I would struggle to give up.

And maybe a race creates a framework or purpose for this measurement – so while I am not desperate to be first – taking part in races does let me see how I compare to fellow runners and if I have made any progress since the last test.

So back to today and training plans or otherwise. I have never yet properly stuck to a race plan as for whatever reason I am not really very  good sticking to a set of prescribed rules to achieve a desired outcome.  While I don’t just rock up unprepared, training for races has mostly involved increasing mileage and incorporating this into the runs I have planned with Alison. We are good training buddies. This means I usually get to this point before a race feeling OK about my ability to complete the course but also wondering what might have been achieved if I had made the effort to follow a proper plan rather than just play it by ear.

This year while my run training has not followed a plan as such – I have been following a different plan that has had a positive impact on my running. Having acknowledged that I am not the best at following rules and plans,  since  July 2015 I have been following an eating plan, and by doing this have lost quite a bit of weight. ( so am around 16 lbs lighter than I was this time last year).

The weight loss and results I have seen by sticking to some simple rules around eating from fitnaturally ( good natural food, not too much) has encouraged me to incorporate some different types of fitness training – and  I have been doing some strength and speed work with a colleague from work who is a personal trainer.

The weight loss is making me enjoy my running even more than before and I am feeling in good shape and while I have not yet followed a race training  plan to the letter – it definitely feels as if I have put in more effort than before, or addressed some weaknesses.

So why despite all this do I have the usual if not more pre race anxiety this time around ?

I can only put it down to my fear of failure , and back again to why I have mixed feelings about racing. My previous haphazard attempts at training have been replaced by a bit more effort and instead of it giving me confidence it has made me feel I have eliminated my excuses for failure !

Today I am trying to set my expectations and calm my jitters against a different background of possible success – how strange for me !

But fortunately life experience has me prepared and so I am  tapping into my collection of  the ‘whats the worst that can happen scenarios’ and am sure I will manage to make a kind of peace with myself before the start line.

See you at the other side 🙂

Inverness half blog - 1Inverness half blog - 1







Got to get in the groove …

Stevie Wonder

I think I have been mourning the loss of my daily running, now December marcothon is behind me for another year. January seems to be littered with good intentions, but it is hard to keep motivated when the days are still dark and reality of work and the everyday looms large.


running picture
New Year’s Day Run- Tim Cockburn picture

There is something quite effortless about the simplicity of running every day- knowing that as long as I completed 3 miles my target was met. Now to keep a level of fitness and with a Half Marathon looming I am bamboozled thinking about the myriad of possibilities and the need to have a balanced training regime.

It is great to have the base of a month’s daily running to build on  but should I now add in swimming, Pilates or strength training- speed work and longer runs ? It all seems a bit complicated by comparison.


This year I have not yet written any goals – ( I gave up on resolutions when I realised looking back that I had churned out the same meaningless guff year after year around trying to be a better person but had pretty much failed to achieve said ‘betterness’ ).

For 2013 I did commit to some goals, many with a running flavour, and looking back this is my 2013 scorecard. Goals in black results in RED

  1. Run a half marathon without feeling I want to kill someone/myself after mile 9 –  partially achieved at Inverness half, it was mile 11 before the death wish set in
  2. Get over my Parkrun bogey and do a minimum of 5 in 2013 FAIL – carried forward to 2014 
  3. If I fall back in love with Parkrun, try to get PB below 27 minutes AS ABOVE FAIL 
  4. Run some different places ( very vague I know, but I must have one goal that I know is pretty much achievable) SUCCESS – Amsterdam, Montpellier, Utrecht, Devon, Cologne etc
  5. Start reading books again and read a minimum of 10 by the end of the year moderate success – think I managed 6, but I read every issue of Runners World from cover to cover and sampled a LOT of cook books ! 
  6. Go to see one film a month 50 % SUCCESS definitely saw more than in 2012
  7. Tidy the ridiculous pile of papers, books etc at the side of my bed (see number 5 ) MASSIVE FAIL – see number 5 hahaha ! 

I think I will give myself a credible pass with a ‘could try harder’ rejoinder, and see what I can come up with for 2014.

red sky morning

Dunfermline Abbey
Dunfermline Abbey

Beyond navel gazing and thinking what challenges I might set, by way of immediate running targets the Inverness Half Marathon is on March 9th, and just over 7 weeks to go.The big challenge for me will be to increase my mileage without injury, and get myself to a place where I feel confident I can keep running for the two hours or so I will need.

Screen Shot 2014-01-12 at 19.17.39

My December running total of 106 miles equals 4 marathons or 8 half marathons, but it is one thing to run an average of 3 miles a day, and quite another to get fit enough to run 13.1 miles in one go.

Tall tree

But this will be the third time I have run this race, and although I might be running solo, Inverness is my home town and  I enjoy going back there and being looked after by family. It is a well organised race with a  good atmosphere and it is a nice course.

Today with Lil and Alison, I managed just over 6 miles and did not feel too creaky afterwards.The weather this weekend has not been ideal for running as it has been icy underfoot in some places, but even though we had a couple of stops we managed a pace of around 10 min mile, so lets hope the omens are good.

6.44 miles